he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
