i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
