So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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