he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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