omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize