belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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