Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
