She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
