Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
