So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
