I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
