Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize