Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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