please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
