It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
