I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize