I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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