dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
