girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize