on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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