my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
