planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
