Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
