Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize