i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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