I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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