Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
