got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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