Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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