please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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