He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
