Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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