I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
