I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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