Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
