he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Let's paint friendship bongs
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize