Even the bartender felt bad for me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
