Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize