She's JV to your varsity
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
