:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
