Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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