Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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