Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
