I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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