last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
