Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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