whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
