i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
