ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
