i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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