Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
