I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
