stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
