Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
