U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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