I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
