This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
