So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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