Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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