the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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