Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
