my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize