I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
