Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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