I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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